It doesn't get any easier

I have a great job, and on the weekends I am lucky enough to judge horse shows. As I grow older I realize that the hopes and dreams one has when younger are still there, but life has a funny way of making changes. I married my husband because of horses. A long story but to abbreviate. I had just committed to buying 4 horses from a former lover (how strange is THAT) and had nowhere to put them. Horses and other were in KY. I was in NH. A very dear friend of mine, now foxhunting in the clouds, wanted me to meet this man and did her darnedest to bring us together. It was the horses which finally did it. He had a huge barn on 15 acres and a couple of horses. I had 4 horses coming in from KY. It was as they say....a marriage made in heaven.  So, horses moved in, 9/11 happened a few weeks later and we decided we should get married. He likes to say it was so I could save on board. HA. He is a very expensive partner. We had a great time riding together, and working with the 4 unbroken mares. It was wonderful. Evenings we would sit by the pool, drink gin and tonics and watch the horses graze in the field below. Life was good. and so it continued. BUT, age creeps in and he took a couple of bad falls, one off his amazing horse, and one off the stairs His mortality must have kicked in because he quit enjoying riding.  It became an issue and I got tired of forcing him to ride. I would even tack up his horse for him.....So the reason you suffered through this long diatribe is that his wonderful horse, who I love was just being a pasture pet. This horse is a lot like me and sitting around is not what he is happy doing. It broke my heart. I would ride him occasionally, but  I have two wonderful mares and it is a struggle to ride all 3. I have tried over the last couple of years to find him a perfect job. Judging found that for me. A farm I have judged at a few times was looking for a big horse. Our horse was perfect and within a few weeks, he will be going to his new wonderful home in Maine. Still ours because he holds our heart, but theirs as long as everyone is happy. So hopes and dreams change. I thought my husband of now17 years and I would ride off into the sunset together. But no. And a big draft costs twice as much as two medium sized mares. I have a good job, but even with his social security and part time work, we cant make ends meet. So what brought us together is no longer viable. What keeps us together is that we are good people and care about each other. Life keeps changing.